I don’t want to do everything that there is to be done, but I do want to do a lot of things. I recently completed the creation of a video for my bosses’ going away party and I loved just about every minute of it. Except for the rendering. Lord save us from the rendering. Now, I’m not that great at it (I spent the evening after its debut going frame by frame with my wife on all the things I wished I had done differently) but I’m reasonably competent and I believe I would get better with time. The problem is, I don’t have any more time for another skill set.
There are days where I think I’m a preacher. Days where I fancy myself a worship leader. At other times I think I could be a writer, or a recording engineer, or a producer, or a videographer, or a concert promoter, or et cetera et cetera et cetera. Now in reality, I have a fairly narrow set of talents. I can speak and write decently, I have a reasonably good ear, and a marginally good eye. That’s about it. I can’t create anything with my hands, can’t draw, can’t do physical art in any form, I’m not naturally good with children, and my people skills are something I put on for special occasions. I live with, work with and know many people who’s gifts and talents constantly impress me, partially because I don’t share them.
That said, as I grow in my gifts, I see the need to specialize. I don’t have the time and energy to get better at everything that I enjoy doing. I have to choose. My personality won’t allow for that. So, instead, I get crazy about different things at different times. Last week I was editing video and thinking it might be super fun to do it more often and actually figure out what I am doing. A couple days ago I was a songwriter. Today I am planning another conference and tomorrow I will be putting together a Community Group training. I have to confess to a certain dissatisfaction with any one of these things that prevents me from doing the others depending on the mood I’m in.
I anticipate that this feeling will only get worse as time goes by. I hope that I will continue to have the time to grow in at least some of the things that I somewhat enjoy while I focus on the things I most enjoy and that I am, more importantly, called to for the glory of God and the good of His people. I’m not sure today what the difference between “somewhat” and “most” is. What I can take comfort in is that I know it’s not pottery. I’m terrible at that.